发泄时间到了！！

CAN YOU ALL JUST FUCK OFF FROM MY LIFE... WHAT'S THE USE OF ALL THESE CARE AND CONCERN AFTER EVERYTHING HAD HAPPENED? WHAT DO YOU UNDERSTAND?? NOTHING... NOTHING AT ALL... DO YOU EVEN CARE TO LISTEN? TELL YOU A BIT ALREADY LE LOR... BUT WHAT DID YOU THINK OF? YOU THOUGHT OF IT AS AN EXCUSE... WELLL... SO BE IT THEN... BUT BEFORE YOU THINK THAT WAY... HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT THERE MIGHT BE A POSSIBILITY THAT IT MIGHT BE TRUE?? HAVE YOU?? TELL YOU ALREADY YOU DON'T BELIEVE... HAHA... SINCE YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME... THEN DON'T EXPECT ME TO SAY ANYTHING NOW... I SHALL BE AN EVEN HARDER NUT TO CRACK... DON'T COME BLAMING ME THEN... HAIZ... WHAT'S THE USE LE LAR... now i don't like to go home le... i just wanna stay in school... or somewhere else... at least i feel better with my friends... with the three-sided mirror( the three of us )... cindy, weiyu, cassandra, keng hwee... even wen song... cause he jokes... but i'm so sorry to say that sometimes i don't appreciate it... but i know he's trying to cheer me up... haha... thanks a lot... to those people who are trying to help us... my friends and teachers... especially miss teo... =)

today's Teachers' Day... had actually wanted to give something to miss teo one... i really wanted to... but i don't know what to give... wanted to make something... but i don't know what will be the end product... scared that it'll turn out to be a disaster... then think for a long time.. still made nothing... ='( feel so bad lor... cause i really wanted to give her something one... haiz... don't know my handicraft good or not...no confidence... don't dare to make it... then my art... disaster also... haiz... so bad...

People advised me to talk to other people about my problems... but the first time i tried that it didn't exactly turn out well...i know it's not her fault... i'm was just sad that time. Frankly speaking, i'm neither angry with her nor am i blaming her in any way. I know it's not her fault at all... it's not her fault that she's watching some television programme that daywhen i called... i'm not blaming her... truely.

i just thought that even if she's watching the television, she could at least have responded... there was a period of time when i had finish my talking and she didn't even utter a sound. maybe the show was really exciting, even so she could tell me that she's watching the television and would call back later, couldn't she?

i may sound like i'm blaming her... complaining about her... but i'm seriously not.

that was the first time that day i had tried to contact her. i couldn't reach her the day before. maybe i thought that she could be my listening ears, like i had once been hers in the past... i just thought that maybe she could be the same... as this was sort of the first time after all.

though i do not blame her, but nevertheless, i still do feel sad.

perhaps it's because i thought she could listen to me crapping... like what i had done back then.. at least that what i thought i had done, but hadn't i? i remembered her calling me everyday, at least two to three times and even till five times a day. that period was when she always called to like complain about KK and WW and about how good Mr.T was. At that time, i was watching television programmes too...but still i had listened to her, though i might have sound irritated, but i still did... hadn't i?? i had listened to her problems... and i was really watching television too... at times i would really concentrate on listening to her lor...even to the extend that i didn't even know what the show was about. sometimes, even i had not really talked or that i really wanted to watch the tele, i would tell her that i'm watching the tele and would call back later lor. At times, she would also say that i'm not listening to her... always watching the tele... but is this my fault?? she was watching tele when i called to talk to her and it's not her fault but how come it's mine when i did so??

hadn't i'm a bad listener, but hadn't i provided her with a listening ear??

i may have sound irritated at times, which i admit i'm guilty of it and i'm not exactly proud of it. i'm really very sorry, but however bad a listener i might have been, i had tried. i had really tried to be there to listen to her when she needs one.

furthermore, it's two to three times a day and she would be talking about the same things... but i had listened...

i just thought she could be there to listen to me... since i had listened to her in the past... i thought she could do the same to me... just be a listener... but instead she made me felt as if i'm talking to the wall...

what hurts me more is when she asked the teacher if it's her fault that she's watching the television programme. it's like as if i'm blaming her like that... that she don't feel bad at all... i thought she would?? did she think about the times when i had listened to her, when i had been there for her... before she asked that question?? it's very hurting... like she's asking," what's wrong with watching tele?? don't i have the right to do so?" it made me feel like she thinks she's perfectly right... like i'm accusing her like that lor... haha... but maybe i'm too sensitive le la. perhaps she just ask ask ba...

i just thought she could be there for me... really.... i just thought so... besides this.. even at times when she's not watching tele... i told her something that made me sad... after i had done my saying... she'll immediately switched to another topic... leaving me there to wonder if she had heard a thing at all...

haiz.. this is really of no intention to hurt anybody... just saying how i felt.......... haha... hope no one minds... =P